Pamplona, España 7 de marzo

Madrid to Paris to Strausborg to Mulhouse to Wittleshiem to Strausborg to Paris to Lourdes to Irun to Pamplona, a week and a half later and I am back in Spain with money lent to me by my friend, my boss and my dad, Western Union, no one is using my bank account, but my bank wouldn't issue a new card or let me access my account (Washington Mutual, rip.) I put half into Euro Traveller's Checks because it was brought to my attention that if I can lose money once, surely it could happen again, and there isn't anyone else that'll help me out (not said to me by any of the wonderful people that actually wired the money, incidently.) On the train from Lourdes to Irun I get into trouble with the conductor because I didn't punch the ticket before I boarded the train. I sorta' thought I was supposed to, but didn't see the machine. I play dumb American, at any rate, I can't really understand French, and he says that normally I would be charged 10 euro, but he's going to let it pass. It's possible he said that to me in English. I understood it. In Irun, I ask about an oficina de correo, but the woman at the information counter doesn't know where there is one nearby. I have 4 hours, so I go out to look for one. After wandering around for a while, I finally ask a man on the street that I've crossed paths with several times if there is one nearby. He walks me there, even offers to help carry things for me. I'm happy he is speaking spanish. I'm happy he knew what I was asking. In the oficina de correo, I send things forward to Santiago, I'll have to get there one way or another now. I keep answering the clerk in French, go figure. I see yellow arrows on the street and wonder if I should just follow them. In the end, I go back to train station to wait. The man that runs the magazine stand, closes shop for siesta then returns a few hours later and asks me if I'm bored.

When I arrive in Pamplona it's too late to get to Roncesvalles, and later I find out that there is no bus in the afternoon on Saturdays during the winter anyway. I have read that there are no albergues open in Pamplona now, and while I'm looking at a bus schedule outside of the train station, seeing if I can get to Trinidad de Arre (I like that albergue), a woman I'd seen in the train station in Irun walks over and somehow we figure out that we are both walking the Camino. She has as hand-drawn map to an albergue in Pamplona where her friend is currently resting. So I agree to walk with her to find it. (Paderborn?) She is studying for her Master's degree in Social Work in France, and she and her friend are going to walk the Camino for a few days during a break between classes. She mostly speaks French. Somehow she has a conversation with a woman who only speaks Spanish, but I think in the end they understand one another, and we walk in the general right direction. The albergue is outside the walls, on the way into the city, just after you cross the Puente de Magdalena. A man tries to direct us, but when he is unsure, he stops an older woman on the street. She knows where we need to go, she walks with us, probably a km out of her way so that we do not get lost again. Her name is Anna. I hear similar stories from other peregrinos. The people in Pamplona seem especially friendly and helpful.

We find the albergue. Her friend is there already, as well as several men. The three of us get a room together, and later another woman, Beth, joins us. All three of them are Canadian. The four of us later go out to dinner together to have our first menú del peregrino on the Camino. It's in a recreational center. There are people dressed up and playing cards. We are the only ones eating. The meat is pretty much raw. They try to eat it, I send mine back to be cooked more. Beth 's food looks like a raw piece of meat, with some browning around the edges. To her credit, she manages to eat a fair amount of it.

I feel like I'm only pretending to be a peregrina. I'm still quite frazzled from all that has happened and am unsure how long I can or should stay. I feel guilty for travelling on borrowed money, afraid still of theft and being completely destitute and being told that I should have listened to other peoples' (legitimate, but not necessarily mine to own) fears, and mostly I feel like I am trying to hide from God, and I will get "caught"...doing what, I'm not sure. The problem is that I am unsure if these are obstacles to overcome to learn from, or is this a roadblock telling me to stop? I am currently unable to tell the difference, and have a bad habit of continuing on in a bad situation long past the point where a wiser person would have bailed. And so, which is this?