Well, today I found out that I had fractured a bone in my second toe. At least that gives me an excuse for why I was having such a hard time walking. And in truth, I probably should've stopped before I did, though walking had become unbearable the last couple of days.
At least a month in a boot for me.
Wednesday, September 25, 2019
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
Melide
A curious thing. Fourteen years ago my first Camino essentially ended in Melide as I found what I was looking for. I did walk into Santiago a few days later, but it felt like an afterthought.
And now this time, I also ended my Camino in Melide, physically. I knew a couple days earlier it would be ending soon, but not there. Both after dining in Garnacha, too. Melide seems to be a catalyst for me. (This trip was also a deepening of what 2007 trip was about, minus the Norovirus, thankfully.) Love. Belonging. Connection. Shame. I was having a strong inner battle between self-love and shame on this trip.
I suppose I will know in time if this was some form of completion. If I will ever return.
I've felt disconnected, disoriented since. I don't know if it's the result of the five days it took to get home, or the very itinerant life of the past month (but that would've been true to an extent on all my other trips), or because things have actually changed. I'll figure out that in time, too.
On the plane (the final one home), I felt nervous about returning home. Had an unsettled feeling I didn't know where that was anymore. I wake up in the middle of the night not knowing where I am, wondering who's luggage is next to me, if I am allowed to be sleeping there, if anyone else is there. (I had a room to myself in Ponferrada, and in Gatwick, otherwise I was in a dormitory with other people.) I feel split...it felt right to come back to my job, but in other areas I feel disconnected.
And yet, I wanted change, so I have to let that be, and let things be released from the ties that told me who I was supposed to be without ever asking me who I was. And who am I anyway?
And now this time, I also ended my Camino in Melide, physically. I knew a couple days earlier it would be ending soon, but not there. Both after dining in Garnacha, too. Melide seems to be a catalyst for me. (This trip was also a deepening of what 2007 trip was about, minus the Norovirus, thankfully.) Love. Belonging. Connection. Shame. I was having a strong inner battle between self-love and shame on this trip.
I suppose I will know in time if this was some form of completion. If I will ever return.
I've felt disconnected, disoriented since. I don't know if it's the result of the five days it took to get home, or the very itinerant life of the past month (but that would've been true to an extent on all my other trips), or because things have actually changed. I'll figure out that in time, too.
On the plane (the final one home), I felt nervous about returning home. Had an unsettled feeling I didn't know where that was anymore. I wake up in the middle of the night not knowing where I am, wondering who's luggage is next to me, if I am allowed to be sleeping there, if anyone else is there. (I had a room to myself in Ponferrada, and in Gatwick, otherwise I was in a dormitory with other people.) I feel split...it felt right to come back to my job, but in other areas I feel disconnected.
And yet, I wanted change, so I have to let that be, and let things be released from the ties that told me who I was supposed to be without ever asking me who I was. And who am I anyway?
Thursday, September 12, 2019
How it ends
Well, I bit the bullet at lunch in Melide today, and asked the waiter when the bus to Santiago was. 2 pm, across the street. I have to be in Madrid to catch a flight on Saturday, so I was running out of time. Having serious foot issue (on the bus here, my foot was painfully swelling in my boot. I had a woman holding a sleeping baby next to me, and was trying to not knock into her so wasn't able to loosen the too tight laces to get some relief from the pain.)
I crossed the street and ordered a coffee in the bar adjacent to the bus stop. He made a big heart in the foam, which made me cry, maybe I'll get around to that. I've just been feeling emotional the past couple of days. While putting my pack back on my back to walk out of the bar, I knocked over a chair and ripped my watch off of my wrist, breaking the strap in the process. I gathered them up, and then I did catch the bus.
This morning I was sure I could make it to Arzua (why, I don´t know), but I was lurching along because my foot was swollen, and then my pack fit funny. Everyone was blowing past me. On the bright side, I got to see the inside of a church I had never found open before. And finally got a picture of the crucifix in Fuerlos with one had reaching down and one reaching up. Yesterday, I felt ready to be home suddenly. So, I guess I am. And I hope I feel I´m done, and don´t itch for completion. Someone said earlier that I could still get a compostela, maybe I´ll check tomorrow. Maybe it doesn't matter.
Caught a local bus, then decided I should walk (and it´s bloody hot out again!) Re-oriented myself to town, and walked up to the big albergue up on the hill, only to be told by a man walking away from it that it was full (there must be a big group there, that place is huge!) And he told me to just follow him. He eventually called the place he was looking for, and the woman held two beds. Ironically, it´s back by the bus station.
I had lunch at Garnacha (famous for pulpo), ended up being joined by a couple of cyclists from Alicante. We had a good conversation. I find it curious that I have had more meaningful conversations with people I don´t necessarily speak the same language as (broken spanish and broken english) than I have had in a long time. I guess you have to really listen, so that connects you, and you may never see each other again. And yet, somehow I keep randomly running into people I know or recognize, I realize it´s the camino route, but I´ve also skipped a bunch of it because I didn´t have enough time to do the whole thing, which was odd in falling in-and-out of being a peregrino...but maybe that´s all a random judgement anyway. Who really knows their own heart and motivations much less anyone else´s? (And is it wrong on my sixth Camino to want to pick and choose my experiences?)
Funny that, I was listening to a man talking in the kitchen here, and I took a good look at him, and I said, "I know you!" We´d met and eaten dinner together a couple of weeks ago in Villamayor de Monjardin. We all have gotten injured, his friend from Sweden (hurt his knees), Michael from Ireland (tendonitis), and me, (shin splints and a swollen foot.) The Swedish man was going to go to Barcelona. Michael is flying home tomorrow, and I am either catching a bus or train tomorrow.
I crossed the street and ordered a coffee in the bar adjacent to the bus stop. He made a big heart in the foam, which made me cry, maybe I'll get around to that. I've just been feeling emotional the past couple of days. While putting my pack back on my back to walk out of the bar, I knocked over a chair and ripped my watch off of my wrist, breaking the strap in the process. I gathered them up, and then I did catch the bus.
This morning I was sure I could make it to Arzua (why, I don´t know), but I was lurching along because my foot was swollen, and then my pack fit funny. Everyone was blowing past me. On the bright side, I got to see the inside of a church I had never found open before. And finally got a picture of the crucifix in Fuerlos with one had reaching down and one reaching up. Yesterday, I felt ready to be home suddenly. So, I guess I am. And I hope I feel I´m done, and don´t itch for completion. Someone said earlier that I could still get a compostela, maybe I´ll check tomorrow. Maybe it doesn't matter.
Caught a local bus, then decided I should walk (and it´s bloody hot out again!) Re-oriented myself to town, and walked up to the big albergue up on the hill, only to be told by a man walking away from it that it was full (there must be a big group there, that place is huge!) And he told me to just follow him. He eventually called the place he was looking for, and the woman held two beds. Ironically, it´s back by the bus station.
I had lunch at Garnacha (famous for pulpo), ended up being joined by a couple of cyclists from Alicante. We had a good conversation. I find it curious that I have had more meaningful conversations with people I don´t necessarily speak the same language as (broken spanish and broken english) than I have had in a long time. I guess you have to really listen, so that connects you, and you may never see each other again. And yet, somehow I keep randomly running into people I know or recognize, I realize it´s the camino route, but I´ve also skipped a bunch of it because I didn´t have enough time to do the whole thing, which was odd in falling in-and-out of being a peregrino...but maybe that´s all a random judgement anyway. Who really knows their own heart and motivations much less anyone else´s? (And is it wrong on my sixth Camino to want to pick and choose my experiences?)
Funny that, I was listening to a man talking in the kitchen here, and I took a good look at him, and I said, "I know you!" We´d met and eaten dinner together a couple of weeks ago in Villamayor de Monjardin. We all have gotten injured, his friend from Sweden (hurt his knees), Michael from Ireland (tendonitis), and me, (shin splints and a swollen foot.) The Swedish man was going to go to Barcelona. Michael is flying home tomorrow, and I am either catching a bus or train tomorrow.
Sunday, September 1, 2019
Began walking one week ago. Today in Villamayor Monjardin, not a super long day, but felt heavy and tired all day. Stayed here in 2017, it'll made the walk into Los Arcos less tedious (for me.) It's a long haul at the end of the day.
Will add other days later. Had a computer last night as well in Lorca, as well as really good food. I mentioned to the hospitalero, Jose, that I had really enjoyed the food last time I stayed there, in 2017. Also, that I'd been really sick when I'd shown up then. He'd asked if I'd been there before.
Today was cooler, with a breeze to help. Yesterday, it was 94 or 95 F when I walked up the hill. Didn't really cool off much until close to dawn.
More later. Dinner is at 7 pm at the bar, and the fortress doesn't look so far away, might try to get there.
Will add other days later. Had a computer last night as well in Lorca, as well as really good food. I mentioned to the hospitalero, Jose, that I had really enjoyed the food last time I stayed there, in 2017. Also, that I'd been really sick when I'd shown up then. He'd asked if I'd been there before.
Today was cooler, with a breeze to help. Yesterday, it was 94 or 95 F when I walked up the hill. Didn't really cool off much until close to dawn.
More later. Dinner is at 7 pm at the bar, and the fortress doesn't look so far away, might try to get there.
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