Sept 24 - Ponte de Lima

Michel decides to walk with me, I've been having trouble with my feet, with my attitude as well...he later tells me he would prefer to walk alone, I don't blame him.  Angel dogs at my feet, my dreams of putting them in a taxi and shipping them back home, but in the end, Michel chases them off, and they head back toward where they came from.  Felt kinda' bad being mean, they were cheerful and sweet, pretending to be my dogs, which they were not.  Ave de Peru, only recognizable by the dimpled skin. I've been getting crankier, I don't remember always being quite the bitch that I've become. Am I diabetic? Low sugar? Not eating enough? (I wasn't this cranky on previous trips.) I think this is something that I need to deal with, however, I don't know if I have enough time...is this something that I absolutely need to externalize...is this who I am and am I pretending to be a nicer person, in general?  And if so, is all this internalization feeding the RA, causing my immune system to attack me, rather than taking head on the external frustrations I have (and there are many, so many I'm overwhelmed. Situations just never improve no matter how much I try...what am I supposed to do?  I feel that I am  beating my head against a wall, it's a daily battle that I am always losing...how do I not internalize the frustration?  The sudden outburst of anger on my part, frightens me in its intensity. Somethings gotta' give.)