Why I stayed

(From an email I sent in June of 2009, about why I didn't come home initially.  Posted to keep it in time with other posts.  But posted in actuality 2016.  In 2015, I wrote/performed a solo performance around this.)

I know I've been back for a while now, but my Mom pointed out to me a week ago that I was supposed to tell you why I decided to stay in Spain.  Actually, I wrote another email while I was still there, but the computer crashed, so I guess it didn't send.

While I was in Lourdes, wandering around and having a difficult time with French banks (they wouldn't make change for the large bills I was carrying around because I wasn't a member of the bank, pretty much across the board), I received an email from by brother asking what I would do if all the money were stolen (again, though I'm not sure that's what actually happened to begin with, with me, more likely I dropped the cards) and that there wouldn't be anyone who could help me out if this were to happen.  Which I guess is true and caused me to worry, although I wasn't sure if that was actually something I should own or not.  For the record, while of course theft happens, and could happen, I have never  really had it happen to me, and I suppose I might trust more than other people would, and I am careful, up to a point (ie, I don't keep all my money in the same place, etc.)  The man at the computer place charged me less than he needed to, which was a nice thing to do.

I paid my hotel bill that night because I needed to catch an early train back into Spain, and the woman at the desk said I could leave my key on the desk in the morning (they charged me less than was advertised.) It was early, but I went to my room, and didn't end up going out again.  When I woke up, I was sure I would still try to change my ticket and come home early, I was afraid I would be robbed and stranded for real.  Plus, I didn't think I had enough money to stay for the whole time. (And I was concerned of staying while I owed people money.)

I was in the only part of the hotel (sketchy hotel, but people staying there were there for the hope of a miracle I suppose) where people were staying.  In the morning, I packed up my stuff, but as I was getting ready to leave I couldn't find my key anywhere.  Long story short, I finally opened the door and realized I'd left the key in the door all night.  Anyone could have robbed me, but didn't.

I forgot to punch my train ticket and the conductor threatened to charge me, then didn't. I got to Irun, and someone helped me find a post office.  I got to Pamplona and met another Pilgrim who knew of a place we could stay, random people on the street helped us find it.  At that point I kinda' felt like a "fake pilgrim" and that I was trying to hide from God (however one would do that) I was sure something else would happen, but gradually, that feeling faded and I stayed, by getting up and walking each day, and finding people to share meals with, etc. Also, kept having St. Jude coming up, which was the Saint related to my first full day in Madrid, the saint of lost causes and desperate situations regarding money, and I continued to have what I felt were "desparate situations regarding money" but nothing that caused me to go home in the end.

I suppose it would have been more "fun" had I not worried so much, but still working on the trust thing from my first trip.  And you know, it was Lent, and I suppose Lent is supposed to be a bit difficult.